Sowing the Oats: Or Things I Must Do Before Settling Down

I've been thinking a lot lately. I should grow up. I should settle down. With one person. Knock out a couple rugrats. Call it a day.

But before I do, there are some very important things I must take care of. Stuff I haven't gotten to in life. Stuff I'll always wonder about if I don't ever do it. So here it is, a list of five absolute "musts" before Ari retires from the playalistic life:

1. Live alone/Live with another girl. Don't get me wrong, I love my roomie D to death, but the thought of going straight from living with him to living with another bundle of testosterone is more than my feminine mystique can handle. I like my home clean, toilet seats down, sinks free of stubble, and everything smelling nice and flowery, thankyouverymuch.
2. Conquer the "hit list." Don't even act like you don't have one. You may have not consciously made it like I did, but somewhere in your mind, there's a list of people you're attracted to, a "wish list" if you will. You know for certain it probably wouldn't work out long-term, but you've just gotta find out "what if" or die trying. My hit list, I'll admit, is quite ambitious and even a tad lengthy, but I'm on it. And I'm not talking about sex, for those of you quick to slap the "ho" label on my forehead. It could be some juvenile hand holding, a make out session, or even just blurting out, "You know, I was always hot for you." It's cathartic, really. I highly recommend everyone get in touch with their inner hit list.
3. Go back to school. This should be interesting, since I currently enjoy not being broke and have not studied for anything in over two years, and thus lack the motivation to do so.
4. Own a house and/or car, all on my own. Because I gotta have my own shit together before I add my name to somebody else's bad credit.

And last but not least...

5. Spend a weekend (or longer) completely in the nude. By my damn self. Because it might be the first and last time I can do it before being tackled by a significant other...

Thank you. That is all.