Day 13: "Just-in-time delivery" Or HBS Douchebag strikes again

Had Wisam and I been a couple, our luxurious room and the surroundings at Ha An hotel would have provided a tempting backdrop for a very romantic stay. As it turned out, our drunken revelry the night before just made for a very restful sleep.

In the morning, we indulged in another delectable breakfast buffet, followed by what can only be described as a capitalist consumption feeding frenzy. Between scarves for ourselves and souvenirs for loved ones, we singlehandedly stimulated the Vietnamese economy. It was kind of disgusting actually, but really really fun.

We ran into our friend from the Hoi An flight, Sam, sitting alone in a cafe, drowning his sorrows in a Coca-Cola. When we asked how his night had turned out, he grimaced and revealed that his far-fetched plans with the beautiful Emma were foiled by some open-shirted, fake-n-baked, cocky Rico Suave...none other than HBS Douchebag (see Day 12 post). He lamented, "I just don't understand. We spent the whole day together. I helped her pick out a suit, we got massages and had a great dinner together, then we went to the bar where we saw you...then that guy swoops in and steals my girl." Sam looked confused when Wisam and I looked at each other and erupted into laughter. "We go to school with him," we responded. Sam searched our faces for some sort of confirmation that this dude had violated some international code of 'bro-hood. "Yup," we confirmed. "You were the victim of an international cock-block." He still looked sad, so we tried to give him a game plan for that evening, recommending that he book a room at our hotel, Ha An, which would be a very romantic locale to take a lady friend. I added, "Yea, if Wisam and I were a couple, there would have been a lot of sweet sweet lovemaking going on last night." It suddenly dawned on him that we were not, in fact, the lesbians he had suspected us to be and looked even more disappointed. But there was no time to console him. We wished Sam safe travels and went on our way.

The afternoon was jam-packed. We picked up Wisam's suit, I had a cute set of custom sandals made, and we did a second fitting for our dresses, while they promised to have the finished product ready by 4pm to deliver to our hotel. At almost 4:30pm, a woman on a motorbike delivered our package, and we headed to Danang to catch a 6pm flight to Ho Chi Minh City.

After nearly half an hour in a Saigon cab in rush hour, we arrived at the super-luxe Legend Hotel (motto: "Not a myth, but a legend." Baller!) in District 1. Really only pics can describe this place, which we will post. The hotel was a significant upgrade after some moderate "roughing it" in Hanoi and Sa Pa. The staff obviously thought we were homeless when we checked in wearing our sweaty Western tourist streetwear.

We freshened up and put on some decent clothes before grabbing dinner at steakhouse Amigos, where we dined on Argentinean filet mignon and some beef carpaccio. Another highlight: local Vietnamese beer 333. Shortly thereafter we snuggled into our comfy beds at Legend, in a room overlooking the busy Saigon River, illuminated with commercial watercraft by night.

Day 9: Trekking in Sa Pa or "The Rains in Vietnam fall mainly on my vacation"

Around 5:30am, the train stopped in Lao Cai in northwest Vietnam. The rail station is actually only 2.5km from the China border...not that there's a lot to do in a border town. According to Lonely Planet, it's not worth visiting unless you really have a thing for border towns. We were met by guides that loaded us onto a bus with a bunch of other Western tourists, and we settled in for the hourlong drive to Sa Pa town, way up in the mountains. We climbed higher and higher into the mists, enjoying the lush vegetation.

It had already begun to rain, and little did we know, it would not stop for the duration of our trip. We had breakfast and checked into the "high-end" (according to Lonely Planet) Chau Long hotel, which resembles a castle. The owner bought out competing hotels and expanded so as not to obstruct the beautiful valley views.

That afternoon we met our personal tour guide, Daht, a native of a neighboring town. He led us on a 5km trek to Cat Cat, a local Hmong village. We saw an amazing waterfall, rice paddies being planted, and the traditional life of ethnic Vietnamese. It was awesome...and wet.

After a nice hike, we rewarded ourselves with some MORE Vietnamese coffee and pastries, followed by much-needed showers and a siesta. Daht had promised us another tour if the weather let up, but it did not. So we enjoyed a nice dinner, some CNN, and quiet time, hoping that tomorrow's weather would prove better.

Click here for complete Sa Pa pics

Day 8: More Hanoi Or "Hail to the Ho"

After a late start (everything in Vietnam closes for lunch), we visited Ho Lao prison aka the "Hanoi Hilton." Once known as the largest prison in Indochina, this facility housed Vietnamese political prisoners that resisted the French occupation up until the 1950s. The site witnessed unscrupulous acts of torture and abuse against Vietnamese revolutionaries. To be honest, I was too freaked out to walk down the narrow aisle of death row cells.

Thereafter, it was used to detain captured US pilots during the Vietnam War in the 1960s and 1970s. The most famous prisoner was, of course, US Senator (and not president...holla!) John McCain. On display are his flight suit, parachute and personal effects he had at the time of capture. He couldn't have been happy about that. As far as the pictures revealed, the pilots apparently didn't have it too bad. Lots of pics of them playing basketball, attending Mass, eating Christmas dinner at a set table. I don't get it.

Afterwards, we stopped at Quan An Ngon for a delicious pho lunch and some meat dumplings. Yum!



Next stop: Ho Chi Minh complex. Or as we renamed him, "H to the Izzo." We caught the 3pm changing of the guard, by accident, and were discouraged from photographing the act. Nearby was the One-Pillared Pagoda (underwhelming) and the Ho Chi Minh museum (there are 3!), which is basically a bunch of propoganda about how the Ho inspired worldwide movements toward independence...by virtue of his bringing communism to Vietnam. We intend to go to another "Ho" museum in the city named for him to see if this theme persists.

After a hot and humid afternoon, we retired again to Le Pub for some cold beers and Kindle time (why am I still reading Twilight?). This time we discovered the lemon and mint smoothie was a refreshing hit.

Our hotel sent a bellboy to accompany us to the Hanoi Rail station, where we would take an overnight train to Sa Pa in the northwest for some trekking and visits to local ethnic villages. Each sleeper car had about eight compartments with two sets of bunk beds each; we shared ours with two Spaniards named Israel and Natalia, who were lovely enough to offer us Oreos in order to bridge the language barrier. Arianne made some small talk with her limited Spanish, but sooner rather than later we all settled in for sleep and the bumpy ride to Lao Cai.

Click here for complete Hanoi pics

Day 6: Monsoon or Thailand gets two thumbs way up

Slept in and enjoyed a late breakfast on the beach at our hotel, Waterfront Bhoput. Then the rain started. No matter, we had an afternoon flight to Bangkok, and then on to Hanoi. Just when we thought we were home free, T.M.I. Michael insisted on giving us aride to the airport.

The following is why Bangkok Airways, a low cost carrier, kicks Delta/NWA/Continental's ass with its hands tied behind its back. We arrive at Koh Samui airport an check in. Unfortunately, our flight is delayed, says the agent. But there is an earlier flight boarding now for Bangkok. Would you like to be rebooked? How much, we ask skeptically. For free. SOLD. She then apologizes that there might not be enough food for us...on this 45 minute flight. Not a problem.

We touch down in Bangkok and set about killing a few hours before our connection to Hanoi. May I say, the BKK airport is just beautiful. Lots of cool statues and very ornate decor. After an attempt at some really awful dim sum, we found some delicious fruit smoothies and checked out the duty-free shopping. Wisam educated Arianne regarding the "vacation fallacy": whatever shiny bauble you think you must buy immediately, be assured that you will see it again before the end of your trip.

Apparently it takes at least two Harvard MBAs (almost) to find Terminal F. Maybe it was lingering jetlag; maybe we're just retarded. You take your pick. But find it we did, and once I distracted Wisam with some CNBC at the gate, everything seemed to fall into place.

The flight to Hanoi was uneventful (just the way we like it), but upon arriving at immigration, we noted the health screening area (!). Silly us, we thought Vietnam wouldn't bother with such trivialities. Au contraire. The communists keep it mad real. Arianne's heart was racing because she still had the sniffles and they sat her down to take her temperature. Amazingly, we once again narrowly escaped quarantine. There's not enough Kindle time in the world to make that palatable in Vietnam.

A car was waiting for us to take us to Hanoi Elegance 2 (don't ask me where 1 is) in the Old Quarter. Again it had been a long day and we passed out promptly.

Click here for complete Thailand pics