Mum's the Word: Or What Happens in ___ Stays in ___!

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while.

It's not that I have been busy.
Or bored.
Or uninteresting.

Indeed, quite the contrary. But knowing my luck, the person(s) I really have the urge to blog about would find out...and the consequences could be disastrous.

So that's all I have to say about that.

Stir Crazy: Or How to Entertain Yourself on a Rainy Day

In light of the current weather and previous blog entries, I submit to you the top ten ways to entertain yourself on a gloomy autumn day:

10. Make up a new vocabulary of verbs using various body parts.

9. Tackle the internal conflict generated by your fervent feminism and your love of hip-hop music.

8. Throw a sophisticated houseparty.

7. Listen to some Awesome Aussies make fun of silly, MTV-Spring-Break-type American kids.

6. Get blazed with a seminary student.

5. Count your blessings that you don't travel for work (or count your frequent flyer miles, your choice).

4. Go to the gym and get swole!

3. Look through old pictures.

2. Jump up and down in an elevator.

And the number one way to entertain yourself on a rainy fall evening:

1. Count the she-males on 18th Street in Adams Morgan!

Bally Total Fitness: Or How To Sell Your Soul to a Gym

I suppose that's what I get for being bored one day. P convinced me, while at work, to sign up for a free two-week trial membership at Bally Total Fitness. I think she just wanted some motivation to go herself, and having a workout buddy can do that to you...and how.

So here I am, only one week into the two-week trial, and I've gone to the gym every day. Something about it just sucks you in. There's hard body hotties, and girls in cute exercise gear, there's even a flipping juice bar.

Somehow my psyche has been altered, and Bally Total Fitness has become like crack cocaine to me: Must do CardioFlex on Monday, must make it to Spinning Class on Tuesday, KwandoFlex on Wednesday, more Spinning on Thursday, lift on Friday. Forget about resting on Saturday and Sunday...you've just gotten started.

My eyelids are heavy, my back hurts, my ankles are swollen, I can't feel other parts of my body, and sometimes moving about can be agonizing. So guess where I'm going this afternoon? That's right: Bally Total Fitness.

I give up...and relinquish all control to The Bally.

World of Warcraft: Or Too Much Free Time

So I was talking to a friend online today and we started discussing the different things we do to pass the time at work (work not being one of those things, interestingly enough). My friend told me that he had been sucked into the "world of warcraft," and I'm thinking, okay, he's obssessed with planes and aircraft carriers...whatever floats your boat.

Oh, no. It's better than that, he explained. "World of Warcraft" is a MMORPG, or Massive Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Game (read: Super Dorkfest...disclaimer: I can say that because I'm the biggest dork of all). Apparently the whole world knows about it, except for me. So, for those of you NOT in the loop: Here's the gist...


The storyline is based on the Warcraft game series (again, drawing a blank here). So anyway, you can create your own characters from eight races and nine classes, but the main objective is to align yourself with a certain faction: the Horde or the Alliance. From there, your "team" (as it were) I guess strategizes and works together to defeat the other faction. You may laugh and think, "Who the hell has time to do that?", but worldwide about 3 to 4 million people are playing this RPG.

What fascinates me most is that the people who are playing are most likely highly educated adults. Think about it...kids are in school most of the day, though they may play a bit at night, college students are probably another faction because they have flexible schedules, and people who do not have higher degrees may often have a job that does not necessitate the use of a computer.

You know what that means...governments and multinational corporations are PAYING people to sit in front of a computer all day, avoid doing real work and escape to a fantasyland of elves, orcs, trolls, warlocks and warriors. Plus, think of those faction names: The Horde, the Alliance. Good gravy! We're teaching people how to be subversive and rebel against injustice and oppressive authorities! Gotta love it. If pissing away your day playing Warcraft isn't a clever way of sticking it to THE MAN, I don't know what is.

Thank you, Warcraft players. I salute you for your contribution to the Revolution.